mei hamarim- the bitter waters

1 nisan 5781

the past couple of weeks my stomach has not been feeling well. it was feeling bloated and i had lots of cramping. there were a couple of days where it was hard for me to eat or drink because my stomach felt so upset. i had no idea what was going on. 

i have a lot of health problems and it becomes extra stressful when something is happening in addition to my usual level of discomfort/pain. was it because i had missed a few days of one med that is supposed to prevent the side affects of another med that can cause upset stomachs? was it because i took an NSAID one day for when my body hurt more than normal and the cumulative years of NSAIDs were fucking up my stomach? was it because i had a younger puer and it was too harsh on my body? there’s so many variables it gets hard to figure out what is going on.

 

after two weeks, my stomach got a little better but not back to my regular level of meh. could it be the puer? i haven’t been drinking anything that young, but i have been drinking sheng everyday for the past few weeks… 

 

i am taking a few days off of puer and my stomach seems to be doing better. is it really the tea? fucking damnit. even though i was drinking tea that was medium aged or older, i think it was still messing with my body. this is sad. one of the things i really enjoy (sheng puer) is not good for me.

 

losing something that brings me joy isn’t new for me (cuw the melodramatic music). i used to be a cook but now my whole world of eating is different. because of my body, i cant eat: wheat, dairy, beans, soy, corn, and red meat (and no im not just trying to be ‘keto’ to be ‘healthier.’ im underweight and i wish i could eat all those things so bad). living with disabilities and chronic illness i was familiar from a young age with the fact that there are things i cant do because of my health problems. there is a lot of grieving i never processed and i still need to do that.

 

so what does this mean for my tea drinking? for the immediate moment it means i am laying off of sheng for a bit. i ordered some shou to drink and i will try to wean my way back to sheng. im also gonna take it easy and not be drinking sheng every day once im back on the [tea] horse [road]. 

 

part of my goals in this tea journey is to find what my regular habits are. what do i want as a ‘daily drinker’ that i can brew casually at work and not worry about spending too much money on? what role do i want sheng to play in my life? is it something i only drink on the weekends or a few times a week? do i save these few sheng days for teas that are high quality only? does higher quality sheng feel better on my body? was my stomach upset because even medium aged sheng isn’t enough? was it because of the quality of the tea? or can my bod simply not handle sheng period? this is what i need to find out and just another heavy handed reminder that i need to take things slow and not worry that ‘there’s so much tea out there and i need to try all of it, ahhhhhh…’

xoxo,

atzei besamim