simcha- why do i like tea?

14 shvat 5781

 

my landmate asked me why do i like tea. it became a complicated answer.

 

why do i like tea? am i drinking it now for pure enjoyment? honestly, no. sometimes yes, but sometimes, no.

presently, i spend a lot of time studying tea. i am judging it. i am evaluating it. and sometimes, i am disappointed by it. this certainly doesn’t sound fun and makes me sound like a jaded parent. so why am i doing this to myself?

 

i will get optimistic first before i dive into my personal existential hole of skepticism. 

 

during the summer i would sit out in the yard on a blanket, pour tea, watch the birds, occasionally read from a book, and bask in the sun’s warmth. i was very happy doing this and i was enjoying myself. my gaiwan looked elegant and graceful sitting atop the hewn stump. the leaves glistened under the sunlight and the liquid sparkled as i poured it into my cup.

as the weather grew drearier, i would sit inside drinking pour after pour and spend lots of time going over books. it was fun, it made reading hard books more enjoyble, and it was good to have something to do with my hands and my senses besides sit still and read.

 

but what about now. recently, i would drink tea and read about tea. it was fun but it began to give me stress. i would think how much more all these other writers know and think i will never know that much so what is the point in me writing. i would see all the different teas people drank and how astute their tastes were and i'd think i would never reach that level of understanding. i was no longer enjoying my tea because my expectations of myself and what i was drinking were pretty skewed.

i look at all my different teas that i bought that i dont like and it stresses me out. i spent money on this and i dont want it and now im stuck with it. will i ever find a bing in my budget that i am satisfied with? are there still any well aged sheng puers that are affordable and more than just 'good. for the price.' now i have to drink through all this tea i dont like or i am wasteful and will feel regret over buying them. aghhhhh.

okay me, calm down. take a deep breath. you bought this tea. is it bad? no. is it the tea you were hoping for? no. but it's fine. i will drink it and i will enjoy it enough. i will try out blending some different ones together and see how that goes. i'll trade some on reddit and hopefully get some good things in return. i am happy with what i have and will enjoy it and i will not freak out about all the tea in the world i still need to try. i will continue to work on what i alluded to in the previous post about not letting 'tea anxiety' make me think the tea is always greener somewhere else and that i must buy more and more and more.

 

it is weird to think of tea drinking as a hobby. im used to hobbies being things you produce and not things you consume. but theres nothing wrong with consuming something if you enjoy it. the capitalist in me still only feels fulfilled when i am producing and being ‘productive.’ that is partially what this blog is about. i am producing something out of my tea drinking and hopefully it is benefitting others. 

 

i miss tea being a social thing. a big part of tea for me was sharing it with others and that has been hard to do with the pandemic. but that is something that will not last forever. for now, i can set up more tea dates with my boo where we drink tea and play cards and gab and cuddle. 

 

this is part of my winter mission. to really enjoy my tea, to be happy with it, and for us to treat each other well.

xoxo,

atzei besamim